Are fussy eaters born or made?
Photo:http://paulakotowicz.com/fussy-eating-or-eating-problem/
Once upon a time there lived a storybook badger named Frances, who would only eat bread and jam. Bread and jam for breakfast, bread and jam for lunch, bread and jam for supper. Her mother tried to interest her in eggs, sunny-side up, or a delicious plate of spaghetti and meatballs, all to no avail. Finally, Frances’ mom gave up and gave in, serving only bread and jam to her fussy child until one day even Frances was forced to admit that there can indeed be too much of a good thing.
There’s good reason why the classic picture book, Bread and Jam for Frances by Russell and Lillian Hoban, has enchanted children for three decades: friendly, furry Frances reminds young readers of themselves. Many children go through stages when they refuse to eat certain foods, or insist on only eating a few favorite things (usually devoid of all nutritional value, or so it seems). Eating is often divorced from hunger in the power struggles and manipulative game-playing that result:
“I won’t eat broccoli! It’s like eating baby trees!”
“You must have two bites of salad and one bite of meatloaf to get dessert.”
“Why do you always cook fish when you know I hate it?!”
“If you drink your milk, I’ll play Candy Land with you.”
We wonder: Is this our fault? Are all the other children on the street happily eating fruit and vegetables right now, while our willful, whiney child holds out for chicken nuggets? Are there other parents who meekly made meals in advance, knowing their children would refuse stew and potatoes, enjoying a happier, quieter dinner than we are right now?
It’s both. It’s personality, temperament. They’re born that way and it just gets made worse, or not. When my child was a baby she would eat everything, then at two she wouldn’t, and now she’s starting to branch out again. My second child has always been more particular. She looks at a food first, asks a lot of questions before she’ll try it.
But let’s face it, this is almost always about the parent, not the child?
True, perhaps, but since establishing parental guilt or innocence will not get us where we want to go, let’s now move beyond bread and jam and look for solutions.
Beyond Bread and Jam
The good news is, what is true for a storybook badger is also true for children. In other words: This too shall pass. Most children won’t starve, since much of this conflict has nothing to do with actual hunger or intake of food, anyway!
Picky eating often represents a child’s desire to exert control (which is why we see so much of it during the toddler years). There are simple things we can do to encourage good eating habits, but only if we are willing to stop micro-managing the intake of every morsel. A few simple suggestions:
Don’t label your child as a ‘picky eater.’
Don’t label your child as a ‘picky eater.’ Taste is a skill that can be acquired (and should be taught), much like reading. In other words, picky eating isn’t (barring medical issues) innate, but rather learned. Children can learn to eat, and like, all kinds of food. Try telling your children: “You’ll like that when you’re a bit more grown up.” Expect kids to develop a wider palate and — eventually — they will (particularly if you model this yourself!). This wont happen overnight, so be patient! :-Karen Le Billon
Ask children to taste everything you’ve prepared
Ask children to taste everything you’ve prepared, even if they don’t eat it. Scientific research shows that children need to taste a new food, on average, anywhere from 7 to 20 times before they will accept to eat it. Looking at it isn’t enough — they have to taste it! Children need time to get used to the texture of a new food how it feels tastes and smells if it’s not on their plate they cannot experience the new food and get used to it. Positive peer pressure (particularly from other children who like the foods you’re introducing) also works wonders. When they say ”Idont like it” say to them ”its not that you don’t like it it’s just that you havent tasted it often enough” :-Karen Le Billon
Are you a fussy eater?
If you don’t eat a wide variety of foods then don’t expect your children to eat them. Children learn by example and you as their parents are their first teachers.
How can parents encourage their kids to taste new foods without it coming off as pressure or becoming a battle of wills?
Make it fun! I make “happy face plates” with veggies; the new one is usually the “nose.” The girls have a “surprise box” in their lunches–which sometimes has new and unfamiliar veggies, but sometimes has fruit or a square of dark chocolate (you bet they have positive associations with “surprise”!). Be inventive! Most importantly, try new things yourself, in front of your children — they will watch you learning to like new things, and likely follow suit–eventually. Until they do, calmly tell them: “You’re still learning to like this; I’m sure you’ll learn to do so when you’re a bit older.” :- Karen Le Billon
Talk less about health, and more about good tastes.
Don’t cajole with nutritional information (such as explanations that a food has a lot of iron or calcium). Say: “Taste this, it’s really yummy”, rather than “Eat this: it’s good for you.” Tell your children that good-for-you foods taste good. Healthy eating habits are a happy by product. Broccoli? Yum! :-Karen Le Billon
Snacking
Some argue that regular snacking means that kids aren’t hungry enough to eat the nutritious foods served at mealtimes. Others argue that snacking has benefits (balancing out blood glucose levels, for example).
Not snacking is also a difficult concept if you don’t like the idea of your child being hungry. What if my child is hungry? Should you really deny you child a snack, even if they say they’re hungry? That’s controversial, to say the least.
There may be a difference between feeling hungry and being hungry. No one wants a child to BE hungry. But it may be OK to FEEL hungry. What does that mean? It means being comfortable if your stomach is empty, and being able to wait until your next mealtime–even if you do feel hungry. Otherwise, it may be, we create a culture of ‘unregulated eating’….with all of the health problems that arise from that. I no longer let my kids snack more than once per day.If they say they are hungry, I tell them:
“That’s great, you’ll really appreciate your next meal. It’s in (X) hours.” :-Karen Le Billon
Stick with a schedule.
Breakfast, lunch, late-afternoon snack and dinner. Eat a sit-down dinner together every night. Children will be hungrier at mealtimes, and tend to eat better if they don’t snack between meals. Serve energy-dense foods, and they won’t feel hungry until their next mealtime. Teach your children how to use a knife and fork encourage conversation at the dinner table. Get the children involved in making the meal. Serve children’s food on small plates. Dont oversize their portions. :-Karen Le Billon
Picky eaters
Picky eaters are very selective about what they eat. They probably have a degree of what scientists call “food neophobia”, which is generally defined as the reluctance to eat, or even sample, new foods. Children with neophobia often reject many ‘new’ foods. This can result in children eating a limited variety of foods. But the good news is that this is usually a temporary phase. Gently encouraging children to continue trying new foods is the key. Researchers have found that tasting foods repeatedly (anywhere from 7 to 20 times) will usually result in acceptance of a new food. Note: this doesn’t mean forcing a child to eat, but rather gently, calmly encouraging them to taste something. You could say something like “You don’t have to like it, you just have to taste it.” :-Karen Le Billon
Fussy eaters
Fussy eaters, on the other hand, will reject foods that they like one day, but then happily eat them the next. This sometimes happens with my younger daughter, who ‘likes’ her breakfast one day but then (frustratingly) won’t touch it the next. Inconsistency is apparently a consistent pattern in toddler behavior, so when my children were younger I let it slide. But now (and especially with my older daughter) I’m firm: if they’ve liked it in the past, they have to eat it now.
Kids’ fussiness about food often arises because kids are testing limits, and turning food into a power struggle. Being firm and consistent avoids these power struggles. Above all, no special order cooking! Only one menu is on offer. The kids soon adapt — and everyone is happier as a result. :-Karen Le Billon
Can a child be both picky and fussy?
Yes, they can! This was the case with our older daughter. We’ve been working hard over the years at encouraging consistency (so that she eats the things she has already tried and liked), and adventurous with new foods (still sometimes a challenge, but a lot better than it used to be). If my kids don’t like something, I simply tell them: “That’s fine, you’ll like it when you grow up.” I believe it, and I think they believe me!
Never force them to clear their plate don’t say ”have you had enough” instead say ”are you full’ ‘:-Karen Le Billon
Slow food for kids
Now, I don’t know about you, but I don’t think our children get enough time to eat their lunch in school. Some teachers say after about 10 to 15 minutes lunch break : “Time’s up, out you go!” Others let the kids take a bit more time. But, still, it’s short. My daughter often comes home without having finished her lunch. Except soup. I sometimes despair of the fact she seems to have a mostly liquid diet at lunch, but it’s one nutritious thing she can eat quickly. Even then, she is often hungry when she gets out of school at 2.30 pm, and so has a big after-school snack (which is, in some ways and on some days, almost like a late lunch).
There is not a lot I could do about this there isnt enough time given in school for kids to eat So they gobble their lunch (or spend time trading treats), and head outside.
I’m not the only mother who complains about this. I hear it all around me. But it seems that a quick lunch is part of our culture. I think that’s why everyone at work gobbles a cold sandwich in 5 minutes, sitting alone at their desk. They trained them to do it at school!
The French believe that food education is one of the most important tasks for parents and teachers. That’s why French kids get (fun, tasty, and informative) lessons about food in the classroom and in the cafeteria. Interestingly, many of these lessons are about how as well as as what we should eat.
Right now, I feel like my daughter is learning that (i) it’s OK to gobble your food; (ii) meals are an interruption in the day, and what you eat is not important; (iii) it’s OK to choose ‘easy to eat’ or convenience foods.
In contrast as an example of another culture French kids learn that (i) it is important to eat slowly (partly because the ‘fullness feeling’ (or satiety signals), where you brain registers how much food you’ve got in your stomach, takes 20 minutes to kick in); (ii) meals are a highlight of the day, and definitely worth spending time on; (iii) variety, novelty, great-tasting foods and (gasp!) pleasure and fun should be the priority–none of which means eating faster.
The French, in other words, have a slow food culture, which applies as much to kids as to adults.
We need to tell our children to slow down when they’re eating.
“Slow down and savour your food!” :-Karen Le Billon
Connecting with your kids at the family table: Social eaters are better eaters
One of my favorite books on kid’s food is Laurie David’s The Family Dinner: Great ways to connect with your kids, one meal at a time. Full of simple strategies for making mealtimes more enjoyable, Laurie makes a key point that is often overlooked in the kid’s food debate: how we eat is as important as what we eat.
We are spending less and less time on cooking (30 minutes per day, whereas the French spend, on average, 48 minutes). But the real difference is in how much time we spend eating: less than an hour per day (and well over two hours per day for the French).
What’s the point of spending all of that time at the table, you’re probably wondering? Well, research shows that people who eat alone tend to eat more overall, and also tend to eat poorer quality food. Research also shows that children are more likely to try new foods if their parents are sitting with them, and try them too (the ‘do as I do, not as I say’ effect!). So we know that children will eat better if they eat with other people.
But Laurie David’s book captures another important issue, that is more rarely discussed. Children’s emotional relationship to food (which is so central to healthy eating when they become adults) is fostered at the table in interaction with other adults. If the family table is a serene haven in a busy day, then a positive relationship is fostered.
Take the focus off the food. Tell stories. Talk about your day. Create family routines: for example, ask each person about the high and low point of their days, or (our current family favorite) an example of how they helped someone else or someone helped them. Make mealtimes about the enjoyment of being together; not about food fights. This makes kids more eager to be at the table–and more willing to eat what’s in front of them.
Is it hard to make time in our busy lives for eating together? Definitely but its worth it! :-Karen Le Billon
Food Diary
If you are worried that your children are not eating enough or are eating too much it is a good idea to keep a food diary for a few days. A food diary can be a great way to keep track of what your kids are eating and to make sure that they are getting enough fruits, vegetables, vitamins, and minerals, etc., from all of the different food groups.
Summary of what to say (Ammunition)!
Ask, “Are you still feeling hungry?” rather than, “Are you full?”
“You’ll like that when you’re a bit more grown up.”
When they say ”I don’t like it” say to them ”its not that you don’t like it its just that you havent tasted it often enough”
If they say they are hungry, I tell them:
“That’s great, you’ll really appreciate your next meal. It’s in (X) hours.”
Say: “Taste this, it’s really yummy”, rather than “Eat this: it’s good for you.”
Say ”you don’t have to eat it but you do have to taste it”
“Slow down and savour your food!”
“You’re still learning to like this; I’m sure you’ll learn to do so when you’re a bit older.”
Finally, I should note that no approach to kids’ food is perfect. There is a lot of conflicting information out there, from different sources. And even scientists take different approaches; sociologists and psychologists study children’s eating habits from a different perspective than medical researchers, for example. The key is to inform yourself about a variety of perspectives, and then to make an informed choice. :-Karen Le Billon
A Q&A With Karen Le Billon author of French Kids Eat Everything.
During your year in France, your daughters (now in kindergarten and 4th grade) were transformed into healthy and adventurous eaters (not without a lot of effort on your part!). Do you ever have any food struggles with them anymore?
KLB: Learning to eat is a gradual process, and my daughters are still learning (in fact, most adults are too!). My younger one learned to eat Roquefort this year (my older one still politely declines stinky cheese!). And they still need some coaching (particularly the older one) to try new things with an open mind; for example, she recently informed me that she was not interested in eating crab (she does eat fish, mussels, sushi, all sorts of fresh vegetables, legumes, and has never met a fruit she doesn’t like). My response? “Fine! It’s your choice. But you may change your mind when you grow up!”
I assume, like most kids, yours occasionally ask for junk food. How do you typically respond when they do?
KLB: We talk about the difference between “treats” and “food.” A treat is fun, and kids (and adults) love treats. So it’s normal they should enjoy them. But I gently remind them that bodies need healthy food to grow properly, to feel happy, and to do well at school. We also talk about knowing ‘when enough is enough’; for example, if portions are large, save the rest for later. Finally, we eat treats for dessert. This means: if they get a cupcake at an event (e.g. a bake sale to support one of their sports teams on a Saturday morning), they bring it home and eat it after dinner (or, on special occasions, after lunch).
Let’s discuss birthday parties and other all-you-can-eat junk food fests. Do you let your kids “go for it” and eat anything they want? Or do you teach them moderation? Any advice for navigating that slippery slope?
KLB: They are free to eat whatever they like at parties. Being overly controlling about children’s food choices isn’t a good long-term strategy; research shows it increases the likelihood of eating disorders. We talk about why we have “treats” at parties, and they understand it’s the (fun) exception to our normal routine.
You’ve said that you had to change before your kids would. What do you mean?
KLB: I had to overcome my belief that “kids only like kids’ food” and to understand that I had been shortchanging my kids: they are capable of eating all sorts of foods. I also had to change my eating habits and routines: a more structured approach to mealtimes, more variety, and a slower pace. Parents set the tone and model good eating habits. If we don’t, how can we expect our child to learn?
In your book, you say it’s better to start early when it comes to teaching good eating habits. But what if it’s too late for that? Is there any way to turn an older kid into a good eater?
KLB: It’s never too late, but I won’t lie to you: it is easier if you start earlier. Starting when your child is a baby and exposing them to as much variety as you can before the age of two, is key. But if you haven’t done this, don’t despair! Kids can learn to like new foods. Repeated exposure, combined with positive encouragement, are the two key factors. And older kids can also be encouraged through menu planning and cooking–allowing them input and involving them in the kitchen often works wonders.
The French emphasize the importance of eating a varied diet. Any suggestions on how to accomplish this with kids who don’t like branching out?
KLB: Take baby steps. If your child likes pasta with cheese, try a slightly different type of cheese as a “sampler” (not as the main dish); once they like it, incorporate it into your menus. Or, if they like carrots one way, try them another way. Build variety into what they already like, and keep expanding that variety until they are ready for new things. Some families may like a ‘starter soup’ approach: start with a simple vegetable broth and add one veggie that kids like, plus pasta (or rice or another grain that they like). Gradually add one more veggie at a time until they have a veggie-rich minestrone.
How can parents encourage their kids to taste new foods without it coming off as pressure or becoming a battle of wills?
KLB: Make it fun! I make “happy face plates” with veggies; the new one is usually the “nose.” The girls have a “surprise box” in their lunches–which sometimes has new and unfamiliar veggies, but sometimes has fruit or a square of dark chocolate (you bet they have positive associations with “surprise”!). Be inventive! Most importantly, try new things yourself, in front of your children — they will watch you learning to like new things, and likely follow suit–eventually. Until they do, calmly tell them: “You’re still learning to like this; I’m sure you’ll learn to do so when you’re a bit older.”
What would you suggest doing when a child refuses to take a bite of an unfamiliar food?
KLB: First, don’t use force; don’t make it into a power struggle. But don’t give up, either. This means trying different strategies. You could start by simply showing them the food another day, away from the table (to reduce the pressure). Next time, allow them to smell and touch it, before you ask them to taste it. Or ask them to lick it—but don’t oblige them to chew and swallow it. Serve it and taste it yourself–with visible enjoyment. With many kids, these strategies will work. But some reactive eaters need a lot of time to “get to know” a new food. So keep asking, but be patient.
What would you say to parents who worry that their kids aren’t eating their veggies?
KLB: Kids need two and a half cups per day of fruits and veggies. Few kids eat that much, and it is a cause of worry for many parents. The simple solution is: increase the supply, and reduce the other available options. We offer two fruit choices at breakfast, a fruit and a veggie at lunch, a fruit and a veggie at snack, and two veggies and a fruit at dinner. At dinner, a salad or veggie dish (veggie soup in winter) is served first, when kids are hungry. The result is that our kids do get their two and a half cups—but only because the options are there at each mealtime. Fruit/veggie smoothies are another great choice; kids love helping to make these, and it’s efficient. But don’t fall into the “liquid diet” trap: Keep introducing veggies in other forms. Younger kids may have fun with the Today I Ate a Rainbow charts, which allow them to keep track themselves.
Mealtimes can get stressful when you have young kids. Any tips for keeping it positive?
KLB: Take the focus off the food. Tell stories. Talk about your day. Create family routines: for example, ask each person about the high and low point of their days, or (our current family favorite) an example of how they helped someone else or someone helped them. Make mealtimes about the enjoyment of being together; not about food fights. This makes kids more eager to be at the table–and more willing to eat what’s in front of them. Laurie David’s book The Family Table has lots of fun suggestions, and there are even games you can play, like Crunch a Color.
If you could give one piece of advice to parents of picky eaters, what would it be?
KLB: Variety is key. Even if they only eat cucumbers, figure out as many different ways to serve cucumbers as you can. Build on this variety to start include more foods. It may take time, but don’t let them get “stuck” eating only a few things.
In France, you were in an environment that embraced and supported healthy eating. In North America, it sometimes feels like our efforts to be healthy are undermined at every pass. Is there any hope for us?
KLB: Yes! I think that we’re turning a corner with respect to kids’ food and eating habits. There are many wonderful community groups and businesses out there doing great things. Recent history shows that our society can change (think about how attitudes to smoking have evolved); we shouldn’t underestimate ourselves or our kids! I’ve posted resources and organizations on my website for those who’d like to get connected and find out more.
http://school-bites.com/qa-with-french-kids-eat-everything/
Recommendations quotations and research for this page taken from the following sources.
French Kids Eat Everything: How Our Family Moved to France, Cured Picky Eating, Banned Snacking, and Discovered 10 Simple Rules for Raising Happy, Healthy Eaters (9780062103291): Karen Le Billon: Books
http://annaburnsnutrition.com/
http://karenlebillon.com/books/
http://thefamilydinnerbook.com/
http://life.familyeducation.com/foods/nutrition/29488.html
http://foodpsychology.cornell.edu/content/beating-mindless-eating
Dr. Grace Freedman runs eatdinner.org and is also a founder of blogforfamilydinner. Thoughtful articles and great recipes.
The Jolly Tomato is full of great advice on picky eaters, and interesting articles galore.
Great card-based game to play at the table with older children: Crunch a Color
Today I Ate A Rainbow (Kits for Preschoolers): A fantastic idea for teaching younger children to have fun while eating their veggies; I love their adorable Rainbow Kits.
by Fiona Phelan
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